Sin has a way of sneaking up on you when you aren't looking. There you are, going along without any temptation in sight or in mind, and then all of us sudden, without realizing it is happening or being able to catch yourself, you have just broken God's Law: sudden impatience with recalcitrant child, stunning rage at another driver cutting you off, wishing the ladies at the salon "Happy Holidays." Each time such occurs, I am left dumbfounded and deeply saddened: I did it again.
Such moments come up unexpectedly. I do not plan these things to happen. On the contrary, I pray and work so that they don't. Yet, seemingly out of the blue, I do the very thing again and am flummoxed.
These events often seem to follow immediately after a burst of emotion of some kind, either positive or negative. I get a rush of fear when nearly cut off on the road. The next thing I know, I am yelling at the driver instead of thanking my guardian angel for his help; I am tired and desire rest and snap at the ailing family member for wanting more tissue instead of attending to the request with resignation if not warmth; I am feeling energetic and happy and say something which obfuscates the Truth of Jesus, all in the name of "sharing the love," forgetting Love Himself.
When these unfortunate moments occur, they demonstrate that all is not well within. I believe it was CS Lewis who said that you can tell the state of one's inner life by seeing how the person reacts when approached in surprise. The sudden and unexpected reveal the truth of what is going on within because the person does not have the opportunity in the moment to reflect upon the matter and control the reaction. What is being revealed is the unfiltered state of one's soul...unfiltered, unedited muck.
Frankly, I find these moments most difficult in the spiritual life and I must fight off becoming disheartened when they occur. for they rear their ugly heads without warning - or so it seems. In spite of my best efforts - prayer, penance, acts of charity, these moments of weakness and sin occur even seemingly without full consent. It all happens so.... naturally, almost as if it is the real me. And, in a certain sense, it is.
Scripture and Tradition bear witness to it.
St. Paul bemoans the war in our members: "For that which I work, I understand not. For I do not that good which I will: but the evil which I hate, that I do.If then I do that which I will not, I consent to the law, that it is good. Now then it is no more I that do it: but sin that dwelleth in me. For I know that there dwelleth not in me, that is to say, in my flesh, that which is good. For to will is present with me: but to accomplish that which is good, I find not. For the good which I will, I do not: but the evil which I will not, that I do. Now if I do that which I will not, it is no more I that do it: but sin that dwelleth in me. Romans 7:15-20
But weren't we made in the image and likeness of God? Yes and we still are. We and all of Creation were made for God Who is Truth. Nothing exists without Him. All in Creation is to reflect this Truth for all was created by God for God. Being created by God, all things are to work according to His Plan and having been made in His Image and Likeness, our intellect, memories and will are to reflect Him. However, when Adam and Eve ate of the fruit, they rejected Truth; they chose to be outside of God's Love and Providence, to be "free" to choose as they desired. Rejecting Him and choosing to live outside of Him, they rendered themselves, objectively and in justice, unlovable and undesirable to God for He cannot love that which is not of Him; They placed themselves outside of God, alone with themselves and fallen prey to Fallen One. This too was our fate as well; to work by the sweat of our brow, bring forth children in pain and desire to control one another.
Yet, in His Goodness and Mercy, God leaves us not alone with our natural original sin-stained selves. Knowing that it is not good for man to be alone (without Him), He sent His Son to atone for the sin of Adam and Eve (and all sin) and to give all those who will follow Him a new life through sanctifying grace which is given to us in the Sacraments of The Church. In the Sacrament of Baptism, this sanctifying grace - His very Life - is infused into the soul and gives to the soul the gifts of the Holy Ghost; a stable and supernatural disposition which perfects the soul and enables the soul to live with God and act in His Love. The stain of Original Sin is removed and the bond with Satan is broken. The soul now is a child of the One God, the Blessed Trinity.
Yet, the "memory" of the original bond still remains; the affinity to sin is retained and our human nature is weakened. Over the course of its lifespan, the child of God must consciously and actively reject Satan and choose God; to reject evil and choose Good, for though have been redeemed by the Passion and Death of Jesus Christ, we need to engage in the battle of the "war within the members."
This "war" is no less than following Jesus' admonition, And He said to all: "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." - Luke 9:23 That is, to do what does not come naturally, but to follow the Via Dolorosa of Jesus Christ. To follow Jesus is to be in direct contradiction with that which my members, my emotions, my surprised self would choose to do. Oh yes, a magic potion would be so much easier and quicker, but because we are to follow Jesus, the New Adam, re-creation of the soul and body involves work and pain, blood, sweat and tears "For the Kingdom of Heaven suffereth violence and the violent bear it away." - Matthew 11:12 Such is the only means to salvation. Eternal Life is only for those who not only assent with the lips, but with the heart, mind and soul. Everything must be surrendered to Christ; all that I am in every instant. It is Jesus to Whom I must give way; to do it His Way and not my own. I must root out that which is not of Him and in doing so, give greater room for sanctifying grace, His very Life. To put to death all that is of Adam. How? Oh, it all seems impossible and yet who can resist Our Lord: "Come to me all you that labor and are burdened, and I will refresh you. Take up my yoke upon you, and learn of me, because I am meek, and humble of heart: And you shall find rest to your souls. For my yoke is sweet and my burden light )Matthew 11:28-30)
These are not mere words, but those spoken by Jesus Christ, the Second Person of the Trinity Who is The Word through Whom all has been created. The Eternal Word holds everything in existence and comes to save His Creation from the slavery of sin and our sudden selves, our passions and proclivities, by becoming The Word Incarnate in the womb of the Blessed Virgin Mary. God Himself joins to fallen mankind by taking on human flesh, knowing all that which we suffer and like us in all things save sin. He came not to live, but to die to atone for us and open the Gates of Paradise which had been locked of thousands of years before.
The Word became Flesh in the womb of the Blessed Virgin - Emmanuel - and offered Himself to the Father to atone for our sins, but He didn't stop there. No - it wasn't enough for Him. In His most profound and gratuitous Love, He becomes Incarnate at every Catholic Mass, using bread and wine which He has given us, and through the Word, His Word, spoken by His priest, He once again Dwells among us in the Blessed Sacrament. Each time we receive Holy Communion, we literally take Him into ourselves, into the very depths of our being, our inmost self, the self that we are not even aware of - the sudden self.
The Lord of All, The Word Incarnate, comes to dwell, not only with us, but literally within us through Holy Communion. 2,000 years ago, The Savior was born in the silence of night in a cave, surrounded by lowly animals, unknown to the world with the exception of shepherds, and far-off magi. At Holy Communion, He comes again to dwell, but this time, first within the hands of His priest and then within the deepest, darkest unknown regions of our beings, His lowly creatures Whom He has redeemed and desires to Save. He descends from Heaven again and again to save us, making present to us His Sacrifice on Calvary and giving to us, in Holy Communion, His very life. Deep within, we are united God Himself. He gives to us His Very Self - Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity and makes all things new for those who turn away from sin and trust in Him. He gives us His Body and Blood to feast upon and infuses in our souls His very life - His Soul and Divinity. Fully and Truly Present in The Blessed Sacrament and within us. In Holy Communion, Jesus goes to where no one else can go and that is to my very essence, to the sudden self by whom I am often caught off guard and leaves me discouraged. He knew me in my mother's and in Holy Communion, heals, strengthens and transforms this hidden self into His Very Self. He asks only that I trust and follow. When I receive Holy Communion, I surrender everything to Jesus. As He gives me everything, His Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity, I give to Him my very self, all that I am. It is Jesus to Whom I give way; to do it His Way and not my own; giving Him free reign over my life in that moment of Holy Communion and always; He will root out that which is not of Him and in doing so, give greater room for sanctifying grace, His very Life so long as I cooperate with His grace and follow; to put to death all that is of Adam and become new creations in Jesus Christ, being readied for the Heavenly Kingdom.
Knowing this, how can I be discouraged, even at my sudden self? We have a Savior Who has provided everything we need through His Church to overcome all things in Him, most incredibly in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass and Holy Communion.
"These things I have spoken to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you shall have distress: but have confidence, I have overcome the world." - John 16:33
A blessed Thanksgiving to you.
Anima Christi
Soul of Christ, sanctify me.
Body of Christ, save me.
Blood of Christ, inebriate me.
Water from the side of Christ, cleanse me.
Passion of Christ, strengthen me.
O Good Jesus, hear me.
Within your wounds hide me.
Separated from You never let me be.
From the malicious Enemy, defend me.
At the hour of my death, call me.
and bid me to Your side,
That together with Your angels and saints I may praise You
For ever and ever. Amen.
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